


every night my teeth are falling out

by TheHuskyDragon



Series: We’re all going forward/none of us are going back [18]
Category: Death Stranding (Video Games)
Genre: :), Blood and Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Minor Character Death, Timefall (Death Stranding)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:53:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24892690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHuskyDragon/pseuds/TheHuskyDragon
Summary: “Sammy... who is this?”
Relationships: BB-28 | Louise & Sam Porter Bridges, Homo Demens Member(s) & Higgs Monaghan, Sam Porter Bridges & Deadman, Sam Porter Bridges/Higgs Monaghan
Series: We’re all going forward/none of us are going back [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1551493
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	every night my teeth are falling out

**Author's Note:**

> I won’t go on abt how it’s been... two? Months since I’ve posted but! It’s here! The second to last chapter of the plot
> 
> Title from a The Antlers song

You watch Sam and His baby play outside of the shelter. No— the… you’re outside in the  _ cabin _ Sam built. You look back behind you, yes the cabin… it’s still odd, having a place you could call your own. it’s actually in your name, Sam had made sure of that, that it’s in both of your names. 

You were tempted to make a joke about marriage, how there would only need to be one name in the lease… you didn’t. 

Lou giggles happily, and at some point Mekal had joined playing in the mud. It’s almost cute, he stops her from falling into a puddle. Sam has asked you whether it’d rain soon. You said not for a while. 

You feel  _ restless _ . You walk in, back out, back in again. You’ve felt like this for days, like clockwork, everyday. You’ll be lucky if the mood lasts a few hours. 

“I’m—“ you start, walking out of the cabin, “I’ll be back.”

“Where’re you goin?” Sam asks. He’s sitting in the grass with Lou in his lap. She’s chewing on Mekal’s tail, but he keeps the golden spikes out of her mouth. 

“I’ll be back,” you repeat as an answer. It’ll only take you a few hours to get to the nearest Homo Demens camp. You just— want to check up on them… yeah. 

  
  
  


By the time the camp was in view, Higgs had forgotten exactly why he’d come. Higgs is lucky that no porters have passed by; he’s still regularly wearing his cowl and gold mask— it’s quite daunting to try to ask Bridges for a  _ Bridges Certified Cape.  _

“Is that— Higgs?” Someone says. Oh how he wishes so much that he could teleport again, surprise the fuckers and give em a  _ show _ . What was he here for again?

“Holy shit it is!” Someone continues. Higgs blocks the sun out of his eyes, seeing it was Loa, next to him was Delta, two familiar faces. 

Loa was a tall scrawny kid. Sandy gray hair and a timefall-proof uniform maybe a size too big. Big red-brown eyes and what Higgs could only call a cowboy hat (where the hell did he get something like  _ that _ ?). Loa reminded him of Higgs when he was younger a lot. The kid seemed to take after him a fair deal anyway. Higgs had gladly showed him how to kill a man. The first thing he could’ve called a child of his own. How  _ disappointed _ will he be when Higgs tells him he’s one of the  _ good guys now.  _

Higgs is sure that Delta had taken his place, though they were fairly different in appearance. Curly-coiled hair usually tied back, and a darkened skin color. They had their uniform tied around their waste and a black leather jacket over their shoulders. When Higgs got closer he saw there were bandages wrapped around their eye, a red blotch above their eyebrow. 

“I’m gone for— a year and  _ this _ is the trouble you guys get up to?”  _ How awkward, Higgs thinks.  _

“Fuckin  _ hell _ , boss, you’re considered dead to the world and then you just… show up?” Delta groused. “What  _ happened _ ?”

Delta and Loa lead him into one of the tents. While the tables had many guns, there were no stolen packages. Sure they were terrorists but they weren’t  _ MULEs _ . Higgs wonders what all had changed. 

“Well, I met the big woman upstairs for the last time and got stuck on the beach.” Higgs said simply. He reckons _ —knows _ it was much more than that, but Delta and Loa never quite understood DOOMS. 

“Then… Why are you  _ here _ ? Two years later?” Loa asked.  _ Has it been two years? _

“Why’d it take you so long to get back?”

Well… Higgs can’t really say that he fucked his crush-turned-boyfriend and just…  _ appeared _ in the world of the living, eh?

“Long story short…” he stifles his smile behind the mask, “ _ maybe… _ I was able to seduce Sammy and—“

“And get comfy with Bridges?” A gruff voice calls. Ah… Higgs has almost forgotten about  _ him _ . 

Vesuvius; tall and big, in all the  _ best _ ways. He’s older than Higgs, but probably around Sam’s age, and it’s starting to show on him. Red hair, not quite wavy. He’s got a permanent  _ resting bitch face _ , and the harsh burn scar that overtakes half his face. He wears a rugged flannel over his uniform. 

“Uh,  _ excuse _ me?” Higgs challenges. He’s barely ever liked Vesuvius and has only kept him around for a few reasons. 

“You fuckin heard me.” His gruff voice reminds Higgs of memories— of  _ someone— _ he’d much rather forget. Vesuvius steps closer. Higgs steps back. He smells like cigars and beer.  _ How long has he been taller than Higgs?  _ “You just disappear out of fucking  _ nowhere _ and then expect to walk back like nothing happened?”

Another step closer, another step away. He has the audacity to reach up and take his golden mask off. Higgs smacks the mask out of his hand and it falls to the floor of the tent. “Who do you think you are?”

“I—“ Vesuvius reaches behind himself and pulls out a dagger. It glints in the light when Higgs is ushered out of the tent, “am the  _ fucking leader _ , now.”

It feels like time slows down, watching Vesuvius draw back, swing forward, feeling the blade slice his skin…

…

… the following pain…?

Higgs opens his eyes, not realizing he’d closed them. He also didn’t realize he’d fallen on his ass…  _ five feet  _ away from where he’d just been.

He looks up and sees chiralium embers, clouds gathering in the sky. It smells like it’s going to rain. 

Everyone seems just as surprised as Higgs does. Higgs takes the moment to jump in front of Vesuvius, golden blade already in hand, and slices his  _ fucking throat open.  _

It feels like cold water has been dumped over Higgs. He bares his teeth in a smile, his breath caught in his throat. Blood splashes over Higgs face, his chest, in his mouth. It’s nowhere  _ near _ as good Sam’s. 

Delta catches him before he falls, clutching his throat as blood pours over his hands, stains his shitty fucking flannel. Vesuvius gurgles and his body twitches like he’d been shocked. 

But he feels fucking  _ alive _ , is the thing. It’s like when he first killed Daddy, how  _ good _ it felt to see his life drain from his eyes. 

There’s blood everywhere, he’d almost forgotten how much blood was in a human body. 

A void that had been lodged in Higgs’ chest is  _ gone.  _ He’d thought it’d never leave, he’d almost gotten used to it. And he doesn’t feel tired anymore. Higgs feels  _ good _ . 

It’s pouring rain now. Delta and Loa have dragged Vesuvius under the tent, safely out of the rain. Higgs’ hood had been over his head the entire time and watered down blood drips off. 

“Fuck all of y’all!” Higgs yells.  _ God _ , he wishes he had Mekal to terrorize the camp, tear the fuckers to  _ shreds… _ well, they’re bound to fall apart anyway, now that Vesuvius is gone. 

He jumps back to the cabin's porch and throws off his hood, blood still all over his face. It’s raining here too. “ _ Sammy _ !” Higgs starts, looking where Mekal was shielding Sam and Lou from the rain. He’s sure he won’t traumatize Lou with her so young. “I’ve  _ killed _ a man! And it felt  _ so good.” _

Sam’s hunched over… shoulders heaving. 

Higgs can hear Sam’s sobs over the rain…  _ the fuck? _

He pulls his hood up and jumps til he’s under Mekal too. 

Oh—  _ shit— _

  
  
  
  


You wonder how life would’ve turned out if the Death Stranding didn’t happen. If you would’ve met Fragile or Sam, if you would’ve fallen in love with them the same. Would… Mekal be a cat? A  _ normal _ cat? And how would the other catcher BTs turn out? You could ask a million questions but none of them will ever get answered. 

You dream of it, rarely. Other times you retreat into the fantasy and wish it was real more and more every time. 

Everything could’ve been  _ normal _ ; you wouldn’t have been with Daddy as much, you would’ve gone to school. Maybe that’s when you’d meet Sam and Fragile…

_ What’s the point? _

Or maybe it’d still be okay as long as you don’t become a  _ terrorist _ . Then you and Sam could travel across America together… and nothing would get in the way… no BTs, no  _ Amelie _ . 

_ Huh. Imagine that. _

But that  _ didn’t _ happen. None of that  _ fucking happened _ and Amelie is still breathing down your neck. 

_ Almost literally.  _

“You could end it all, Higgs. Just you and me.”

Your eyes are closed. Your head is in her lap.  _ Don’t open your eyes. _

“What’s the fucking  _ point _ ? We’ve already tried, don’t you get it?”

“Then we try harder.”

“You can make your own point, Higgs.” Sam says.  _ Oh Sammy. Here to save me? _ You hear Him step closer, the sound of gray sand crunching under His feet. He sits down next to Amelie. Touches your face with His hand. “Keep going just for the small things in life, for anything.”  _ For me, _ you hear him say. 

“You need to suffer to enjoy what’s good.” Amelie says, voice soft. A gentle draft comes from the waves in the sea. It smells like salt. “Mourning isn’t possible if there’s nothing to mourn.”

“You can do anything you want Higgs. If you want you can make life wonderful, even if some bad things happen.” He says and takes His hand away. “We can help you, but you have to let us in. you have to let us love you.”

“You have to open your heart to our kindness.”

Amelie wouldn’t say that. Sam wouldn’t be nice to her after everything she’s done. 

_ This isn’t real. _

  
  
  
  


“Sam!? What the fuck happened?” Sam was holding a child— at least maybe four or five— barely covered with too-small clothes and soaked by the rain. Strands of Sam’s own hair were dotted with gray strands. Mekal has probably stopped him from getting soaked just like… just like…

“Sammy… who is this?”

The little girl giggles, all too familiar a sound. Her big brown eyes look between Sam and Higgs. She wasn’t crying but there were wet trails on her face. Oh.  _ Oh _ . 

She reaches out her hand, “papa!”

* * *

“Wait, wait, Sam slow down!” Higgs recognizes it as Deadman. “What happened?  _ Sam _ ??”

Sam was too hectic to give a coherent answer, words going too fast and slurring, breath heaving with sobs. Higgs doesn’t think he’s ever seen Sam in this state. Lou, who had  _ completely aged  _ up a few years, sits on the couch with Mekal, wrapped in a blanket. 

“Higgs? Can you help me?” Deadman calls, sounding lost as Sam borders on hyperventilating. 

Higgs takes the cuffs still on Sam’s wrist and pushes the rest of him to the side, “uhh,  _ well _ , I’m just about as lost as you. Louise must’ve been out in the rain,” and Sam asked Higgs whether it’d rain or not… dried blood, tacky on his cheeks and hair… killing Vesuvius must’ve brought back his ability to control the timefall too.  _ Shit _ ! This was all  _ his _ fuckin fault. “But… she seems  _ fine _ , just… a few years older.”

Deadman cusses under his breath. “Can-can you two bring her over?”

* * *

Higgs jumps them over, earning surprise from Deadman. Sam has wrapped Lou in a blanket haphazardly. He’s still crying, but considerably less while Lou tries to calm him down. She can’t speak full sentences as before she was aged she was still about one year old. Higgs turns to Deadman to see him mouth agape, stuck in his place. He sees various emotions cross over the man’s face. 

“Sam, ah— we’ll have to do some tests. On her brain activity, her intelligence and—“

“I’m staying. I’m— staying with her.” Sam butts in, clutching her a little tighter to his chest. Higgs sighs and hangs his head, crossing his arms.

“So am I,” like hell Higgs was gonna let him go through…  _ this _ alone. 

Deadman rubs his forehead and turns around. He grabs a tablet and taps it various times. “Yes that’s— that’s fine. In fact, I think you two could help, she might not be willing to play along if you two aren’t here. When did this happen?”

“Five minutes before we contacted you.” Higgs answers. 

“Wasn’t there an alert of a storm? Why weren’t you watching her?”

Higgs rolled his eyes, “I was—“ he’s  _ still _ covered in blood…  _ ah shit. _ “—off doing something. Sammy..?”

Sam’s face twists up again and Higgs feels bad for prodding. “I don’t even— I don’t know. I look away for  _ two damn seconds _ and this happens…”

Deadman nearly drops the tablet to rush to Sam and comfort him. Sam doesn’t flinch away when Deadman puts a hand on his back. “It’s okay Sam, these things happen. As far as I can see, she looks just fine.”

Higgs bites his lip— he  _ knows _ Deadman is close to Sam, how he was the first to find Sam doesn’t have his aphenphosmphobia. Higgs knows that Deadman is just a  _ friend _ , that Sam’s his but… seeing them so close together makes Higgs’ skin crawl, makes him dig his nails into the porter uniform he’s wearing. 

Sam seems calmer by now, and let’s Deadman take Lou. She babbles, trying to shimmy out of the blanket prison she’s in. Her legs kick happily in the air. 

“Higgs? Would you like to, ah… freshen up?”

Yeah… walking around covered in drying blood isn’t a flattering look to most. Sam puts a hand on his shoulder, rubbing at his nose and sniffling. “Let’s go back for a few,” he mumbles. 

Higgs jumps Sam and himself back to their cabin. His accuracy was a little off, ending in the bedroom rather than the bathroom, but he did better than he expected. 

Sam sniffles again and looks up at Higgs. “Who’s blood is that?”

Sam looks exhausted, like seeing Lou in that condition— not even a  _ bad _ condition— nearly killed him. His eyes, half lidded, and cheeks were rosy. Higgs wipes away a tear, noting that his hands were stained red too. Had the blood seeped under his gloves?

“I killed a man.”

Sam breaks out of his daze to blink up at Higgs. “You—  _ what _ ? What the hell did you do with the body?? Higgs— who—?”

Higgs grabs his shoulders and gives him a shake. “It was one of my own men! I killed one of the Homo Demens!”

The answer didn’t satiate Sam because of course it didn’t. Higgs lets go of him like he’d been burned, and turns to take off his uniform. Most of the blood on the clothing had already come off, and most of the mess was probably just on his face and hands. 

“Higgs.” 

“What the fuck else do you want?”

“ _ Why were you with the Homo Demens _ !?”

“I— I don’t know. Fuck’s sake, that answer all your questions?”

Higgs turns his head after a moment of uncomfortable silence. Sam stands there with a look on his face. 

“You look better,” he sighs, “healthier I mean. Is it from..?”

Higgs nods and steps toward Sam. “I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

“No, it’s—“ Sam grabs his hands, squeezes them, and then lets go to pull Higgs closer by the waist. “I didn’t want another voidout.”

“I’m sure they’ve burned his body by now. If not, I won’t miss em,” Higgs wraps his arms around Sam, gently rocking them side to side. 

“You won’t?” Sam mumbles into his shoulder. 

“Not who I killed.”

“Whatever you say, babe,”

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr is Higgs-the-god tho I’ve been lazy in posting ds content. You can find ways to support me on tumble 
> 
> Kudos and comments fuel me!
> 
> Also YES I *did* make Vesuvius just to kill him


End file.
